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Sex addiction is the worst. Long term recovery and sobriety from sex addiction is much more elusive than that of substance based dependency. Sex addicts are powerless over not only their “acting out” behaviours, but more importantly, the control of their mind.
Progression of these thoughts and behaviours over time is what distinguishes us from normal sexual people. This craving requires us to cross new lines to simply repeat the last high, and happens with full knowledge of the consequences… in our normal brain. Sex addiction is a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde experience, the two are unaware of each other’s existence.
Sex addicts act out not out of love, intimacy or procreation, but to escape the horror of their feelings
By definition, long term sobriety is impossible for a real addict. If a person can stop or control their compulsion and obsession, they aren’t addicted, they simply have a bad habit that needs better willpower. Attending a drop in meeting for any recovery group, we see that there are few if any people with the promised long term sobriety and recovery that some people do. Why?
Nowhere in the Twelve Steps or the literature does it say that sobriety from real addiction is found in talk, prayer or therapy… as necessary as they are.
“As an SAA tourist, we cling to the belief that we are not really powerless and that just going to meetings … going to church or seeing a therapist … will be enough to turn things around” (SAA Basic Text)
The enormous change necessary to reduce the powerful need a sex addict has for relief from the stress and pain of daily life is the journey of a lifetime, the most difficult thing we’ll probably ever do. And most don’t, sadly.
Are compulsive and obsessive sexual behaviours just a bad habit that you need to control, or is it a compulsive obsessive disorder that surges up time after time despite your best efforts to suppress it? In other words, are your sexual behaviours and fantasies actually the symptom of deeper stress and chronic pain?
If you can actually stop acting out your sexual and love fantasies… then why are you here? If you’ve successfully stopped, write a book and live free of this serious mental illness, you are not an addict.
If you can stop by using therapy, religion or attending meetings … or reading books… you are not a sex addict, good luck and have a good life.
But If you can’t stop no matter what you have tried, then we can help. The SAA Twelve Steps program always works but 95% are not actually willing to do the work they demand.
These instructions are simple but require commitment and very uncomfortable self examination. They require you to face the pain that the addiction protects us from. The 5% who become sober always suffer from more pain from the consequences of acting out than from their trauma and stress.
These desperate sex and love addicts finally actually deal with their personal trauma and pain. They actually change their life according to these twelve steps to the point that their body doesn’t need to take control from the brain and pleasure itself and live better lives free of the overwhelming and unconscious urges that make us passengers in our own bodies.
WHO WE ARE
We are sex addicts who have recovered. This means that our obsession has been removed. It means we do not have to be shielded from temptation. We do not manage triggers. We do not control our travels so that we won’t be tempted. We do not have to be careful about how much money we have in our pockets. We do not have to snap rubber bands on our wrists. We do not worry if illness, being out of town or other circumstances cause us to miss a meeting. We do not have to keep fresh in our mind the past consequences of our last debacle or imagine the potential consequences in order to keep ourselves sober. We are free. When temptation does arise, we found we have been given the ability to react like we are about to hurt ourselves. We have access to this gift as long as we practice specific principles in every aspect of our lives.
Our recovery was not accomplished by methods that are commonly used in S.A.A. today, though many of us first tried those methods unsuccessfully. We found freedom by the methods espoused by the pioneers of the 12 Step program. These precise methods can only be found in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. As far as we are concerned, it is what worked for us. Humility demands that we are only equipped to pass along that with which we were successful.
This process was not easy, soft or gentle for any of us. It is a difficult program because it demands that we take actions that we really didn’t want to do. We worked these Steps only because going back to our addiction was our only other choice. Going back to addictive sexual behavior was too painful for us. We recommend this program only to those who are without other options, who are without hope of recovery by any other method. After all, if we were to be successful, we had to completely give ourselves to this simple program. This meant the elimination of all other options by actually testing them.
As time has passed our numbers have grown. Persistence in our way of living, faith in the Power which keeps our obsession at bay and keeping our focus on the fundamentals has paid off. We continue to live free of the obsession and now our lives have taken on a real purpose. This is the greatest gift we have received.
Reprinted from SAAPP Big Book Solutions Group
We hope this video will be helpful to anyone who is struggling with compulsive sexual behavior of any kind, or is concerned about such behaviors in someone they love. Our goal is to describe sex addiction in a way that will help the potential sex addict make an informed determination of whether they are or aren’t addicted to sexual behavior. Then we outline a solution based on the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous that we have found to work for us.
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Real World Recovery
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